What If?

As we continue to wait for news on my mother’s condition, we are all experiencing a range of emotions.  Each one of us is dealing with it differently.  A few of us are focusing on nothing but the positive – which I understand and pray for.  A few of us, (I am included in this group), are looking at the “what ifs”, because…..what if???  This is causing tension because there really is no one way to deal with this.  Each of our reactions is based on a so many factors.  Our  personalities, age, relationship with mom, and our spiritual beliefs.  Our entire family is going to be affected by this process and by the entire experience that she, (and all of us),  are going through.

I do not think that there is only one “right way” to deal with this situation.  It is going to cause arguments and it is going to cause stress and tears but each of us need to go through it in our own way and none of us should judge the other for how we are dealing with it.  Coping with it differently is natural. It is going to be an exhausting and depressing experience, but I am hoping for small rewards on the journey.  It might be a blink of her eye, or a squeeze of her hand.  I am still holding out hope that this could happen.  I want nothing more than to have her back.  I miss her already and keep thinking that I need to call her to tell her what’s been going on.   Maybe I am afraid to hope for the best because I am afraid of being let down, and maybe by preparing for the worst, I am allowing myself to feel good when the worst doesn’t happen.

Tagged: family, family illness, holding out hope, Nietzsche, Right way, What if?, wrong way