Now that the funeral is over, and our friends and relatives have gone home, it is time for us to focus on getting back to “normal”. We are all still grieving, which might make it hard to get back into our regular routines. The day-to-day stuff might seem difficult but I also think that it will be a helpful distraction.
Each one of us is different, and each of us are going to handle it in our own way. This weekend is Drew’s school play. He has been rehearing for months and last night was his first performance. He did great. Two more shows for him and family will come to each of them to cheer him on. It has been a welcome distraction for us all. I will be back at work on Monday. That means lesson plans and homework for me all weekend. It is good to be able to concentrate on something else.
I know that some days that are going to be tougher than others. We will all get back into the swing of things. I have a feeling that grief will come on in waves. My dad told me this morning, while driving he heard the song, “Moon River” on the radio. This was their wedding song. I am sure that times like that might be very intense, because there is not a sign that its coming. Holidays will be emotional, but there will be time to prepare for those. Small reminders in the little things we might see and hear will conjure up memories of her. I am hoping that they will make me smile more often than cry. Listening to particular songs and doing other activities that she enjoyed might be painful at first because of the memories we will have of mom, but I think that after a while, it will become less painful and perhaps something we look forward to doing.
I don’t think that any of us will ever get “back to normal”. Yes, we will all get back to our normal activities, but I am sure there will be times where it might be difficult to get through the everyday things. No matter what, the grieving process will continue, but it will be different for each of us.
Getting back to enjoying our lives doesn’t mean that we aren’t missing mom. As I walked through town today, I had such a strange sensation. So many other people were there, going on with their lives. Those that know me and knew my mom, offered sympathy to me, while others, walked around smiling and laughing as if nothing tragic had happened. Obviously, they did not know what I was going through right now but it seemed like the whole world should have stopped just like it has for us.
The next few weeks will be a time for grieving and rebuilding. We will all move on and we will all notice that mom will continue to live on in our memories. My blog has been such a release for me. It lets me sort out my thoughts, while giving others a chance to read about what my mom and our family was going through. I know that when I started my blog, “A Project for Kindness”, the idea was to look for stories about kindness and share them. It seems that I went off track a bit while blogging about her. Yet, the more I think about it, my mom embodied kindness. Her life was built around it. I will continue to look for kindness all around me and write about it in my blog. I am sure that stories about my mom will appear frequently because going forward and healing from grief doesn’t mean forgetting about her but keeping her alive through our memories.