A few months ago I wrote about how I thought that some days were going to be difficult to find things to write about – and some days have been!! Today was one of those days. Not that I did not see kindness, but that I was feeling completely the opposite.
Dave and I have worked out our schedules along with the boys, so that we all are able to do our own thing while still finding the time to spend all together. Dave has soccer a few times during the week, I have my kickboxing, the kids have their sports….we make it work. For the most part, it usually does. When we allow ourselves “me time” the entire family benefits.
Tonight, Drew had a big volcano project to finish for school. He also had soccer practice. He and I worked on it for hours after school. This meant, no kickboxing for me and it made me upset. Bitter actually. Then, guilty for being upset about it. Drew has been struggling in school for quite some time now and finally there was a homework assignment that he was interested in. He looked for facts on the internet, he molded the clay for the volcano, mixed the paint and spouted out facts about volcanoes the entire time. I tried to be enthusiastic with him – and I honestly was, but I needed a few extra hours in my day to fit everything in. I (selfishly), wanted time for myself too, but I decided to skip my class and help him finish in time to get to his soccer practice with Dave.
I’m sure, (or at least I hope), that many parents have feelings like this. Now that my boys are older, and DJ is responsible enough to take care of Drew, it has been easier, but it still gets complicated at times. For me, guilt might be the biggest inhibitor. I know that we all need to find the time to create a more balanced and happy life style for ourselves and our families but when I put myself first, I still get that guilty twinge. Yet, those nights, that I do get to class, or when Dave has a game, I notice that we are better parents. In that one hour of kickboxing, I am able to clear my mind, not think about work, or housework and spend time with other adults so that when I come back to my home, I am refreshed and ready to be a mom again.
Tonight, as I wrote this blog, while Drew and Dave are at soccer practice, and DJ and I are home watching a hockey game on television, I realized that everyone is worthy of care and attention, myself included. I need that class for my own well-being but the volcano is due tomorrow. There will be more kickboxing classes. Missing one class so that I could focus my attention on my kids, who are also deserving of my time, is not a sacrifice. It is love.