Remembering

pregnancy and infant loss awareness

Every time i turn around, I hear that today is National Something or other Day!!”  I found out today that it is International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.   I had no idea there even was such a thing.  From what I read, it is, “An opportunity to break the silence and stand together to honor and acknowledge all of the precious babies.”  

Although I don’t talk about it often, I had a miscarriage. I don’t even know if my own children know that I had one.   A baby that would have turned 17 on October 2.  I never have forgotten the due date.  I remember it every year.  I don’t celebrate it, or mourn it.  I do think about it though.  I wonder if it was a girl or a boy.  I made it to 11 weeks.  It was before DJ was even born so at the time, I was devastated, thinking I’d never be able to have a baby.  I blogged about it once before, after Francine died, while being pregnant with twins.

It comes up occasionally in conversation, but usually it is only if I am talking about a friend who has been through the same thing.  Miscarriage is not uncommon.  I believe that statistics say that 25% of women have experienced a miscarriage.  So I do wonder why so few people talk about it.   Why is it kept private?  Before I experienced it myself, knew of only a few women who had gone through the same thing.  Once it happened to me, I began hearing stories of so many more women who miscarried as well.

As I have learned over this past year, everyone grieves differently.  Yet, when my mom and Francine died, their deaths were openly discussed and we wept and grieved together.  With the loss of my unborn baby, although I had support of loved ones, it seemed very different.  I think I still went through the stages of grief; sorrow, denial, guilt, anger and finally acceptance.

I kept hearing, “Everything happens for a reason.”   In the end, I do realize that is true.  I didn’t understand it at the time and I did not want to hear it, but a few months after that miscarriage, I did get pregnant again.

I don’t write this to gain sympathy.  It happened so many years ago.  It is a part of my past.  It is a part of what makes me who I am.  I look back with retrospect and although I do not think of that baby constantly, there are things that occasionally bring up a memory.  Especially when Oct. 2 rolls around.  I don’t cry anymore.  I just remember and remembering is a good thing which is why after seeing this “International Remembrance Day” I decided to share.

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