I think I have a little bit of a hoarding problem. My coworkers and I joke that as teachers, we feel the need to save everything, “just in case.” Every once in awhile, I get inspired to purge and throw things away but I still find myself with way too much paper work and “stuff.” This even carries over to technology. I am always getting notifications that my email and voicemail boxes are full and I have to go through and pick and choose what needs to be deleted. Today, I noticed that I had A LOT of voicemails. Old ones, new ones, important ones, insignificant ones, too many to count. Among them, I found several from my mom! I hadn’t remembered that they were there. I listened to them today. None of them were more than fifteen seconds, and they all began the same way all of her messages did, “Hello, its only me…” None of them were about anything too important either. Just her checking in, or saying hello.
She and I spoke every single day. Usually more than once. Our conversations were rarely of importance, just, “how was your day,” or “what are you making for dinner?” I’d call for a recipe or she’d call to check in on the kids. It didn’t matter what we were talking about. I guess it was just hearing each others voice that brought both of us comfort. As I have written so many times before, I wish so much that if only I could still just pick up the phone to say hi. I wonder what I’d say to her if I had that chance?!?
As I listened to the messages today, I realized that there is a void – a sound missing in my life. Her voice. I have to find a way to save those messages. Knowing that they are there, and that I can listen to her anytime I need to hear her voice is comforting to me. It is a part of her that can’t leave me now because, now, I have her voice!!