Stretching His Wings

time steve jobs

DJ and my dad have always had a close relationship.  My dad was a huge help with his child care when he was very young and they did everything together.  Sports are their common bond.  My dad has season tickets to the New York Giants and the New Jersey Devils which allows DJ the opportunity to get to many games! Lots more than we ever went to when we were kids.

As we get closer to DJ graduating and leaving for college, I have noticed him pulling away more from my dad which I know is causing some friction.  He is much more social with friends and sports as well, but we are more open to this, whereas my dad doesn’t understand why he doesn’t want to spend as much time with him.  Perhaps it is a generational “thing.”  My dad was pretty strict and rigid with rules, curfews and where and when we could go when we were growing up.  Dave’s parents were not.  Dave and I have sort of met in the middle as parents, giving DJ the chance to have his independence as long as he proves to us that he is being responsible. So far, he has 🙂 DJ has never been a rebellious child.  He’s our easy one!

We are actually happy that he has become more social and independent. I was worried about this for awhile – thinking it might be difficult when he went off to college.  This doesn’t worry me anymore.  Perhaps this is why he is not rebelling with us in the way I am noticing him act out with my dad.

When he leaves for college in the Fall, I am going to be weepy, I am going to miss him, but I also know that he is going there ready and prepared socially and this makes me feel confident that he will do fine. For my dad, it will be like he is losing his best friend.  He is already asking him how often he will come home for games and how far he plans on going away.

I get angry at DJ when I hear the tone in his voice when he speaks to my dad on occasions but at the same time I understand because my dad did the same thing to me.  He cares deeply for his family.  It is the most important thing in the world to him.  He allowed me to go away to college and I did great. I flourished. It was my first time away from home and I needed that independence to create the person I am today.  I am happy to see DJ doing the same thing….even earlier than I did.

DJ will come home and visit.  New Jersey might not be where he winds up though and I am prepared for that. Our family is a bit of an oddity in this regard, all of us living within ten miles of one another.

We cannot foresee the future.  What ever happens, will happen for a reason.

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2 thoughts on “Stretching His Wings

  1. Risa Olinsky March 22, 2015 at 11:11 am Reply

    Claire, first I have to tell you how beautiful your blogs are and how they touch lives in wonderful ways. Knowing many of your family members as I do, I know the love and closeness you share. I wanted to share something that my younger son, Daniel, and Mark (husband) would do when Daniel went off to college in N.C.
    They were big Jets fans and though they’d only go to a few actual games a year, they would watch the others on TV together though most of Daniel’s young years – and often with Daniel’s friends hanging out here as well. So off Daniel goes to college in N.C. and here is what they worked out. Mark suggested that wherever they might be that they watch or listen to the game in real time, at the same time and be together virtually by phone. If it were not on TV, there were times Mark and I would be traveling so he’d listen to the game on radio and then catch up with Daniel at rest stops on scores ( then when he had the phone built into the car, it was the game and phone calls at breaks – so basically they had a pac to stay virtually together during Jets games. This went on for many years and was something Mark truly cherished and looked forward to. Daniel will be 27 i two years, and it’s not faded, but I’d say for most of these years before it was a tradition they both will remember.

    So perhaps it won’t be every game or so, but if you’re son would agree to get grandpa to share virtually, maybe it will ease the separation.

    Good luck and Happy Sunny Sunday to you all,

    Risa

    • clairesinclair March 22, 2015 at 11:26 am Reply

      Thank you so much Risa. Funny thing is that even at just two miles apart, they already do watch “virtually” with each other, calling all throughout games if they’re not watching together. I am sure it will continue. Thank so much for the kind words. 💛

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