Pity, Regret….What is this feeling?

aware of behavior

I got a text message from my sister today asking if I was able to take a call from her. Of course I knew that meant it couldn’t be good news if she couldn’t just text it to me.  She told me that she received a call today from a hospital in Florida.  My cousin Christopher had been in a terrible accident and she was his emergency contact. He has been estranged from our family for the most part, only communicating with my sister through Facebook and occasional text messages.

Chris is 39 years old and has many special needs.  He has been living in Florida for over ten years, although he grew up here in New Jersey only a town away from us. He and I could not be any more different.  I refuse to be in contact with him because he is a spiteful and hateful person and I don’t want to associate with that kind of negativity in my life.  He treats his mom terribly and when I do succumb and give in and try to give him another chance, he just spews more hatred and I can’t be a part of that. His special needs could be a part of his “personality” but it still doesn’t make it okay.

He was on his way to the hospital this morning for a surgical procedure that he needed.  Apparently, he stepped into a crosswalk when a bus made a left turn, did not see him and struck him.  He has multiple fractures to his ribs, a broken arm, head lacerations and possible brain bleeds. He is on a ventilator right now and completely sedated.

My sister went to tell his mother, my aunt, in person this afternoon and although Chris’ relationship with her is very strained and complicated, she of course is devastated. She doesn’t know if she needs to fly down there and be with him and is waiting to hear about the brain scans before making that decision.  Chris does have a power of attorney that lives in Florida who will help with decision making and she is on her way to the hospital and has been in touch with my aunt.

I find myself in a very difficult spot right now. I would never wish this upon anyone, and no one “deserves” this. I feel badly for my aunt and hope that he is not feeling any pain and is comfortable right now but I am finding it hard to feel a lot of sympathy and this is disturbing to me. Perhaps more pity or regret.  I am not sure what this feeling is.

I am hoping that he pulls through this and recovers with very little pain and suffering. I wonder if it will cause a change of heart getting a second chance….

Here is a link to the accident, (although it says a man in his fifties – which he does look like….) http://www.gainesville.com/article/20150413/ARTICLES/150419893?p=2&tc=pg&tc=ar

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2 thoughts on “Pity, Regret….What is this feeling?

  1. Anita April 27, 2015 at 9:50 pm Reply

    That’s a very strange feeling indeed… However I may understand how you feel. It appears as if you’d rather have nothing to do with him if he wasn’t your cousin. On the other hand, he is family and family has to care for each other right? I guess it is normal to feel that way then. I hope that your cousin will get well soon and that your aunt will overcome this difficult time.

    • clairesinclair April 28, 2015 at 6:30 am Reply

      Thank you. He is doing better – he has a very long journey of healing ahead of him. Hopefully it is not a painful one and he can get through it without a lot of difficulty.

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