Mom’s Birthday

Today would have been my mom’s 69th birthday.  I always write about how I believe in signs and that no matter how silly they seem, I think they mean something.  I have always been that way and maybe it is just because I am looking for something to have meaning behind it.  Signs give me  comfort though, or at least stir up memories so whether it is a sign from above or something else, I like believing in them.

I am sure it is just because it is her birthday, but “the signs” began arriving last night.  I went outside my front door to wait for my dad who was dropping something off.  On my front sidewalk was a partially deflated balloon that said, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” on it.  I have no idea where it floated from and on any other day, I would have left it there to continue on its journey but instead, I scooped it up and brought it inside thinking it was a sign from mom telling me not to forget her birthday, (as if I ever would!)  I met up with Drew at his baseball game and when it was over, I told him about the balloon.  His eyes lit up and and he said that grandma must have sent it.  I have passed along my superstitions about signs to him…I think that’s a good thing 🙂

The second sign came at camp this morning. Our special needs camp runs along with another town camp and we try to integrate the camps as often as we can.  One of the little girls in the other camp who I didn’t know, came running up to me and asked me if I would hold on to her lanyard that she was creating so that she could play a different game. I told her of course, but asked her what her name was so that I was sure it got back to her.  She looked at me as if I should have known it and said, “Ellie.”  My mom’s name.  Coincidence, of course, but a sign nonetheless.

I picked up Drew from camp and brought that balloon that had floated to our front walk yesterday.  I asked Drew if he wanted to go to the cemetery for a few minutes and visit with grandma.  He did, so we made the quick drive over and brought in that balloon.  We left it there for her.  Drew also left her one of his little rubber ducks.  Then we headed home for him to get ready for his baseball game tonight.  He has the number 13 written on his arms hoping that it will bring him luck tonight.  13 was my mom’s lucky number.

Before heading to Drew’s game, we met at mom’s bench at the park. Dad brought along 13 yellow balloons.  Adding to the coincidences, dad told us all that when he got into the car to come here, Moon River was playing on the radio. It was their wedding song. Six ducks swam down the brook as we were sitting there. A butterfly flew past too.

We all sang happy birthday to her and let the balloons sail up into the sky and watch until we couldn’t see them any longer.

 

Here we go again…

Dave was able to get my dad to the doctor today.  It was suggested that he return to the hospital because he was running a fever again.  Dave stayed with him all day – in the emergency room because there were no available rooms.  They did more scans to check his brain,  vascular test to look for blood clots and a few more.  Fortunately all came back negative but his white bl0od count is high so they are keeping him there.  Dave said my dad wouldn’t stop saying that he made a mistake and left too early.  He thinks everyone is going to be mad at him.  No one is mad.  We are all relieved that he is back in the hospital getting the care he needs.  It is truly the best place for him right now.

They spent HOURS in the ER.  I had an doctor’s appointment for myself after school and after that, I went up to see him.  He was still in the ER and waiting for a room.  I recognized one of the nurses, MJ was her name.  She had been my mom’s nurse while she was there.  Dad thought that was a good sign.   He was charming to all of the nurses – quite the different mood from when he was begging to leave on Wednesday.  A few minutes after I got there, his transport arrived for his room.  Dad said, I must have been the lucky charm.   Maybe….

The real “sign” we noticed, as they wheeled him into his new room was one hanging on the wall.

That’s my grandma!  The room was dedicated to her sister, our Aunt Dee!  What an incredible coincidence.   I know that made dad feel good.  He called grandma to tell her about it.  Now, we have to convince him to stay until the doctors and nurses think he is ready to leave – and not any earlier!  I think he will listen this time!  🙂

Tattoos

When I was younger, I never imagined that I’d get a tattoo.  It was honestly never something that crossed my mind.  Never something I had any interest in.  Several friends had them, it was just not for me.

About 8 years ago, when Dave lost his job on Wall Street, I had been a part-time preschool teacher, full time stay-at-home mom.  I loved it.  Dave was doing well financially and I loved being at home with the kids, being a PTA mom and volunteering in several organizations.  It was the way I had imagined it would be “when I grew up.”  Then, things needed to change.  We knew I’d need to go back to work full time, but finding a job in the teaching profession wasn’t so easy.  This was all happening around early Spring of that year.

Although I have written about my “yellow butterfly story” once before, I am repeating it today but this time with a bit more of the story added…

Around the time Dave lost his job, Drew and I walked DJ to school nearly everyday.  It was Spring and a yellow butterfly began following us home.  Silly sounding, of course, but nearly everyday, there was that butterfly.  After a few days of it happening, I mentioned it to Dave and he just assumed, like everyone else, it was a coincidence.  One particular morning, a yellow butterfly followed us for quite awhile.  I started to talk to it asking it what it was trying to tell me!  Of course, I got no answer, but that same morning, I went to the dry cleaners on the way to the gym. As I was leaving the dry cleaners, on the door mat was a yellow butterfly.  Just laying there.  Dead.  It was not there when I had walked in.  I thought that was odd, but continued on to the gym.  I got on the treadmill with a magazine and opened it up to a two page spread of a photo of butterflies with the words, “BUTTERFLIES” written across the two pages.  Flabbergasted, I took the magazine home, waved it in Dave’s face and asked him if he still thought it was a coincidence.  Even he had to admit it was a bit bizarre.

For a few months, I was seeing signs of yellow butterflies nearly everyday.  Not always real ones, sometimes butterfly hair clips or tee shirts with butterflies but they were always yellow.  I began telling people about the sightings and my friend Maureen, who had a few tattoos, jokingly said, “It means you need to get a tattoo of a yellow butterfly.”  We just laughed about that because I was the LAST person you’d imagine would have gotten a tattoo.  I jokingly told her that if I ever got a job in our school district, I’d do it, knowing how hard it was to get hired here.

About a week later, I had an interview at one of the schools in town.  I walked into the building and a big sign in the lobby read, “Our butterflies hatched today”.  Of course I thought that could only mean it would be a positive interview and I’d get the job!!  Nope.  Great interview, but I did not get it.  I was discouraged and still so confused about these yellow butterflies.  A few days later, I had an interview at another school in town.  I walked DJ to school that morning and sure enough, there was “Ole Yellow” following me home.  Again, I talked to it, asking it what it was trying to tell me!!!!

I went to my interview at Tuscan School.  The same school I went to for Kindergarten.  As I sat on the bench outside of the principal’s office., waiting patiently for my turn,  I was looking around the office, taking it all in.  Then, as I looked up over the door where the interview would be taking place, over the door, bigger than I could span my arms, was an enormous yellow cellophane butterfly hanging. I could not help but smile, lose all nervousness and walk into that office filled with confidence.  It was the best interview I had ever had – and sure enough, I got the job!

Now….here is the addition from the first butterfly story that I hadn’t shared before…I called Maureen and told her I don’t go back on promises.  The next weekend, I went and got a very small tattoo of a yellow butterfly.  It is in a discreet place and most people don’t even know that I have one.  That includes my dad, who is NOT a fan of tattoos.  My mom knew.  I am not sure if she was happy about it or not, but she loved the story and understood why I did it.

I decided to share this story again because for my birthday, and to honor my mom on Mother’s Day, I decided that I was going to get another one.  Another small one.  A rubber duck.  It may sound silly to some people, but my mom was, “The Duck Lady.”  Anyone who knew her knows that.  This isn’t something I rushed into.  I have been thinking about it for months now.  I had even gotten in touch with the tattoo artist in advance to talk about it.  Although tattoos were not “my mom’s thing,” it is something I wanted to do so that every time I saw it, I’d smile and think of her.  I really thought out this one.  I knew I needed to share this story because my dad won’t be able to miss this tattoo.  Where I can easily hide the butterfly one, I wanted to be able to see this one and that means,  others will see it too.

So now I have two tattoos.  They are small, they are tasteful.  Will people judge me for it?   Perhaps.  There is still a stigma about tattoos.  Unfortunately people are still judged by their appearance.  I do not judge others who have tattoos.  Maybe theirs, like mine, have a story behind them.  Will I regret mine some day?  I don’t know.  I have had my yellow butterfly for almost eight years and I don’t regret it at all.  I love the story behind it.  I love remembering how it came to be and how that little yellow butterfly changed my life.

Will the rubber duck do the same?  I don’t know, but it will always make me think of my mom when I see it, and when others see it and ask me about it, I can talk about her and talking about her and what a special lady she was is a tribute to her.

Nonsense, or another coincidence?

Today, I HAVE to continue my blog on coincidences.  In February, I wrote one of my blogs about finding pennies, https://aprojectforkindness.wordpress.com/2013/02/17/find-a-penny-pick-it-up/

In that blog, I had written that I had been told, that because it reads, “In God we trust,”  that when we find one, we should count our blessings from God, and that we should trust that God has placed it in our way for a reason, therefore thanking him for our blessings at that moment! I have been finding lots of pennies since my mom died, (but I always find them – I think I am just noticing them more).  Several people have told me that finding pennies are signs from our loved ones.  All superstitions, I know, but today my strange coincidences continued.

Many of you know that I have been suffering from headaches for about five months now.  After several doctors, an MRI, different medications and visits to a chiropractor, I finally saw a neurologist today.  To get to her office, I had to pass the cemetery  where my mom and Francine are buried.  As I drove by, I decided that I would stop there on my way home to “visit” with them, so I said out loud as I passed by, “See you later mom”.  I got to the doctor’s office and sat down in a chair to wait to be called on.  The receptionist called my name and I went up to do the usual paperwork for a first time patient.  I went back to my seat, and lying there right in the middle of the chair, was a penny.  I smiled, thought of mom, gave it a little rub and put it into my pocket.

I went in to the doctors office, and as she entered the room, I knew that I had met her somewhere before – I just could not place where.  I even said to her, “I think I know you from somewhere”, but neither of us could place where, and I don’t think she recognized me…yet.  My check up was going on routinely and we began talking about family history.  I had already told her about my mom and Francine passing away, (not the details), but just because I wanted her to know that these were not stress headaches due to them dying.  They started months before that.  I mentioned my mother’s heart history and suddenly she asked me what my  mom’s name was.  I told her and she asked if she had been a patient at St. Barnabas a few years ago on “2300”, (that was a floor on the hospital she had been on that time).  I said yes, and we realized that must of been why I recognized her.  We continued going over family history when all of a sudden, it hit me!!  This doctor was the woman who was dealing with Francine’s brain injury just a few weeks ago.  She and I had been talking several times during that day about the severity of her brain injury.  We both realized now that we did indeed “know” each other.  She realized who I was and she asked about our family and how we were all doing.  She was concerned for my brother, and expressed her sympathy.  I told her about our close knit family and how we were all there for each other and she said she could tell that from the way we all were at the hospital.

I did not leave  with any new answers for my headaches, but I will have another MRI, this time of my cervical spine, and a new medication to try.  I am hopeful, and I feeling quite positive after this visit.  Was it the penny?  Did it just give me that feeling that I needed to walk out of there with a positive attitude?  I don’t know, but I do know that the penny wasn’t from my  mom this time, but from Francine.  As I walked out of the office building, I actually burst into tears.  So many emotions were filling me.

Oh!!!  And did I did not even mention, that as I walked into the building, there was a lot of construction going on.  A new cement sidewalk had just been laid and in the base of it someone had carved into it, “DREW”.  The name of my son, who has had numerous visits to different neurologists over the last year due to his concussions – another coincidence?!?!?!  Perhaps, but for me I am taking it as another positive sign, knowing that we are going to get to the bottom of this and have an answer and some relief soon!

Coincidence?

(notice the butterfly in the FIRST quote that popped up)

After posting my blog on Facebook yesterday, I had a lot of comments about the butterflies.   My favorite one came from a friend of mine.  Her “theory” is this, (and I hope she does not mind me sharing, because I found it so profound, I could not stop thinking about it today).

“If you think of time as a ball of string, then all “time” touches all other “time” and everything is really happening all at once; the past, present and future. You were looking for a job and you were stressed out about it. You, as a manifestation of the energy of the universe, gave yourself a gift.  You gave yourself a symbol you knew you would recognize, you knew it would make you smile and calm you down and help you to ace the interview. You knew you would get that job because your future self had been through it already. Your “future” self helped your “present” self make happen exactly what was supposed to happen. It’s why you kept seeing yellow butterflies everywhere. It means you are well connected to your higher self.  You see the symbols (messages) of the universe”. 

I have honestly been thinking about this all day.  How we are all somehow linked together… knots in the string perhaps?  Maybe nothing is really a coincidence and these things are happening in some way, to get me to notice something, be it in my personal life, or somewhere else.  I call them coincidences, but maybe they are something more powerful and meaningful than I ever realized.

I looked up the definition of Clairvoyance; “perceiving things in the future or beyond normal”.  Our brains process information and I know that at least in my own case, I am always looking for patterns.  Every time I see something that has a “coincidence”. I think it must be a sign, SERENDIPITY!

It just happened to me this weekend…I was talking to some friends at a party and we were talking about college and old roommates.  A name from the past – which I have not thought about in probably 20 years, came up.  They did not know this person at all.   Yesterday, I was on Facebook and there, on another friend’s wall, popped up his name.  Of course, to me, this was “a sign”.  What does it mean?  I have no idea.  But this is the way I think.  I like to think there is a reason behind everything.

Who knows, maybe there is some mystical plan out there, and if that gives me comfort, and perhaps make me look for meaning in what is important to me then, maybe these coincidences are leading me on a path that will bring me comfort in some form.  For now, I’ll just keep looking for my yellow butterflies and see where they lead me.

Yellow Butterflies

Today, I went to my mailbox at school and found a gift inside.  There was a card with the above quote, “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly”.  With it, were two packages of cocktail napkins with butterflies and inspirational quotes on them.  A tiny little gift, from a friend at work, that meant so much to me.  Not just the quote itself, but that she knew how much butterflies meant to me and knew that it would bring a smile to my face and it did.

Butterflies have had a significant meaning to me for about 7 years now.  Back when my husband lost his job, our kids were still quite young and we knew that I would have to go back to work full time.  It was a difficult time in our lives, and the stress of looking for work, no salary coming in was terrifying.  I would walk DJ to school each morning and for several weeks, I kept noticing a yellow butterfly that “followed” me home…daily!!  I knew it was silly, but I saw it everywhere.   I had heard stories of “spirits” that came back in forms like that, but I had no one close to me that had died, so that meant nothing to me.

I could not figure out what the meaning behind this yellow butterfly was.  I told everyone about it trying to figure it out but it was really just something fun to talk about.  Dave just laughed and brushed it off as a coincidence. Then, one morning, I was on my way to the gym when I stepped inside and saw a yellow butterfly lying right outside the door.   Of course, by now, it was becoming a little peculiar.  I got on the treadmill at the gym, opened a magazine and the page it fell open to, had a two page spread with the word, “Butterflies” in huge letters written across both pages.  Yellow butterflies were all over those pages.  I took the magazine home, put it right in Dave’s face and said, “still think it is just a coincidence?”  Even he had to admit it was a bit bizarre.

About a week later, I had an interview at a school in town.  I walked into the building and a big sign in the lobby read, “Our butterflies hatched today”.  Of course I thought that could only mean it would be a positive interview and I’d get the job!!  Nope.  Great interview, but did not get it.  Discouraged and still so confused about these yellow butterflies I went home.  A few days later, I had another interview at another school in town.  I walked DJ to school that morning and sure enough, there was “ole yellow” following me home.  I talked to it, (like a crazy person), asking it what it was trying to tell me!!!!

I got to my interview and sat on the bench outside of the principal’s office.  Waiting patiently for my turn.  I was looking around the office, taking it all in, when I looked up over the door where the interview would be taking place.  There, over the door, bigger than I could span my arms, was an enormous yellow cellophane butterfly hanging. I could not help but smile, lose all nervousness and walk into that office filled with confidence.  It was the best interview I had ever had – and sure enough, I got the job!  Now almost seven years later, I have never been happier in a teaching job.  I still see yellow butterflies around.  Not as often, but they are around, and now they just fill me with joy, knowing how that yellow butterfly led me on a journey that has brought me to a place where I love to work, love the staff and love the community.  When one flutters by me now, I just smile.