Today we got a phone call from Dave’s mom. She was calling from the hospital with what she called in her words, “Shocking News.” We didn’t know what to expect. She made Dave pick up another phone so we could both be on the phone to hear it at the same time.
Back story now… we have not spoken to her in months. She lives in New Jersey, about forty-five minutes from us, but she could live a thousand miles away. It isn’t the mileage that keeps us apart. She rarely sees us or calls us. She keeps to herself. This isn’t a choice that we make. It is hers. We haven’t seen her in more than a year. We get an occasional call on our birthdays but usually that is when we hear from her unless she needs something. She lives with Dave’s brother and we don’t see him either.
When she used to work, one town away, she never stopped by to see us. We didn’t care so much about us, but not even to see her grandsons. That was what was so upsetting to us. When she does see us, she acts like no time has passed but meanwhile she has no idea what has been going on in any of our lives.
Dave told me to stop making the effort because I did try to call now and then to see how they were doing. Since there was no reciprocation he finally told me to stop. Our boys barely know them and that is sad. I am writing this blog with Dave’s full consent. It was him who suggested it when I was pondering what to write about. I am sure she doesn’t know I have a blog, so I highly doubt she will read this.
She’s been like this since Dave was a kid. He basically raised himself because she didn’t do much for the boys. He was making dinner for himself and doing his own laundry at eight years old. His dad would make gigantic vats of chili which would last for a week and those were his home cooked meals and he was grateful to his dad for those. He said there were always lots of microwavable tv dinners in the freezer.
Back to tonight’s phone call…
She was calling from the hospital to tell us that she had a heart attack. Actually, two – one recently and one not so recently. She was going to be treated with drugs and the doctors weren’t going to do any procedures. She says she wants no company and will be home on Monday. I asked when this happened. She told me it was on September 2. Three days ago. No phone call from her, or from Dave’s brother.
I found the saddest part of all of this to be that she had to call my dad because she couldn’t remember our phone number. That’s how long it has been since she called. She told us that she is confused and loopy but I am not so sure if that is the only reason.
I am sorry that this happened to her. She won’t let us visit, but I am not sure if we’d go running up there anyway. Dave barely said a word when we were on the phone. I did most of the talking. He just sat there shaking his head, not for the first time.
A Project for Kindness 