Good vs Bad

I truly believe that people are more inclined to do good than bad but the tragic events at The Boston Marathon have made me question how much hatred and negativity is in our world.  At the same time though, it has shown me that there are many more good people in the world than bad. Over and over this week, I have seen a quote by Mr. Rogers that reads, “Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping”.

After the explosions at the marathon, people were running towards the danger doing everything in their power to help.  Others ran directly to hospitals to donate blood knowing that they could make a difference in another way.  This was so reminiscent of 9-11.  The stories of heroes and our country that became united was inspiring.  We could have shut down and lost faith in humanity, but instead we did the opposite.  We came together not only to mourn, but also to make positive changes.  It did not matter if these changes were large or small.  We were doing things with the intention to promote the complete opposite of hate.

Senseless acts that harm, maim and kill are never logical. They affect every one of us.  Not only those physically harmed but also everyone who witnesses the hatred.  Sadly, hatefulness does exist in our world but for most of us, we will not let it make us lose hope and faith in humanity.  Tragedies like these shake our world and in doing so, it makes us look for ways to change.  Ways to be better people, knowing that in an instant, our lives can be changed.

Dealing With Grief

With all that has been going on, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my own life and how I would deal with this if it were my spouse, or my child.  It is not something I want to think about.  It is something I feel I have been forced to think about.  How would I deal with it???  After losing my mom, going back to work was a break – a break from the commotion, a break from the grief.  It gave me the chance to focus on other things.   If it were one of my children or my husband, I don’t know if I could go right back to work – back to “normalcy”.   My mom and I talked everyday, several times a day, but we did not live together and this is a huge factor that my dad and brother have to deal with.  I miss her terribly, but when I go home, my own family is still there for me.

My dad went back to work right away after my mom died.  For him it was cathartic.  He was surrounded by my brothers, friends and neighbors and for him, it has been just what he needs.  With Tim, is has only been four days.  He went to a hockey game on Friday and has joined all of us for big family dinners.  He is playing softball today.  Until the wake and funeral tomorrow, there is nothing else for him to do.

Some might question how he could do these things already, while others think he is doing what is best for him, but the truth is, there is no right answer.  I would imagine that coming home to an empty house is not easy.  There would be no one to greet you, no one to sit with at meals.  An empty house is a reminder of being alone.  Being with others is comforting to my dad and to Tim and it is giving them the distraction that they need.

Losing their wives, the women that they shared their life with…there are reminders everywhere.  Being away from those reminders seems to be what they need right now.  Of course, they need to mourn.  Mourning is how they will deal with their emotions.  It is essential in the healing process.  Life is never going to be the same for them and there is no timetable for when it will get better.  We all will be there to support them.

Family will be our biggest support system.  I cannot imagine how this last month would have been without our extended family.  We are together all of the time.  Even last night, in the midst of all this grief, 30 of us got together for dinner.  It was fun and we laughed, but we also remembered all of our loved ones.

No one can tell us when any of us will feel better.  There is no time frame.  It is different for everyone.   We are all going to have to face a new normal.  We will never be the same again.  Each one of us is changed.  We will celebrate what we had with our loved one and relish the memories.

Already we are finding things about mom and Francine that make us smile.  We need to embrace these things. We are never going to forget, we are just looking for a way to intertwine them into our “new normal”.