Tag Archives: peace

Worrying…

worrying

I post this today for all of my teacher friends who are feeling so overwhelmed at this point in the school year.  Report card grades due, supply orders due, class lists organized…the list goes on and on.  With so much to do, we seem to lose focus and worry about not getting it all done.  Yet in the end, we always get there.  So, I am suggesting that we all take a few deep breaths, stay focused, calm and celebrate in the peace of each day.  We can do it!

Comfort

wish you were here

I keep thinking that people are going to see my blog and think, “another one about her mom”, but at the wakes and through emails, I have been hearing the contrary.  So many people have actually thanked me for my blog.  They have told me that it made them feel like they knew what was going on throughout the entire ordeal.  Truth be told, I know that I  I am writing these more for me than for others.  It was (and still is), my way of dealing with it.  It is how I am expressing my feelings. Tonight I did get emotional and cried but it was more for the emotional outpouring of love that I witnessed.

I was never one to keep a journal, but documenting this entire ordeal is giving me comfort.  I know whenever I need to, I will be able to go back and reread what I have written and hopefully it will bring me the same comfort that it is giving me now.

Today was another day to celebrate her life.  Not just at the wakes, but around town as well.  I know that she is being spoken of and remembered fondly.  Today at The Maplewood Township Committee meeting, there was a moment of silence for her.  On the local on-line message board in our town, Maplewood Online, she is being remembered as well.  Of course we will all miss her and of course we will all feel sad when we think about her being gone, but the best thing we can do to honor my mother is to simply be happy for the memories we do have of her.  Remember the times you spent with her and the conversations that you shared.  I am confident that this is what is going to fill my mother ‘s soul with peace.

Good Bye

stars in the sky

We thought that it would be quick.

Hospice even rushed us into her room after they took out all the tubes. That is how fast even the the doctors thought it would be. It wasn’t.

We were assured that she was in no pain but they still administered morphine. She just lay there breathing shallowly. Something she hasn’t been able to do on her own for so long. It was like she was sleeping.

The day started out with my dad, sister and sister-in-law and I going to the funeral home to make her arrangements. It was stressful and it was difficult but we chose her favorite songs and readings and picked out her casket. We decided who would speak at the funeral and who would be pall bearers.

We headed over to the hospital knowing we couldn’t prolong it any longer. Dad signed some paperwork and we were asked to wait in the waiting room while they took off all of the life support. After we went back to her room we waited for her to pass. We told her all about The plans for her funeral. We promised that there would be no pink. She hated pink! We chose one if her favorite yellow dresses and told her there would be lots of yellow flowers. Her favorite color. It matched her sunny personality! We wrote her obituary together and read it to her.

At seven o’clock Jeopardy came on. She and my dad watched it together every night. She kept hanging on. Finally we decided to take shifts to eat. Some if us hasn’t eaten since yesterday. Kathi and Tim, my younger siblings left first. Dad, Chip and I stayed. A few minutes later I watched as she took a few more breaths with more and more time in between each. At 8:53, nearly 7 hours later she was gone. Maybe she was waiting for Tim and Kathi to leave so they did not have to witness it. Maybe she thought dad, Chip and I could handle it?? We will never know.  What we do know is that it was so peaceful. We turned off the tv, and just talked to her until she was gone.

I am sure that right now she is standing at the gates of heaven breathing in huge breaths of air and because of that,  I am so happy for her even though I am so sad for all of us here.

Everyone who was ever touched by her in their lifetime should have faith that she will be watching over all of us because that is just the kind of person she was.